By DeLane McDuffie

What's more dangerous on the American roads, the speeding car that's racing toward you or the sticky honey bun that's racing toward your face? As we all know, eating and driving do not mix. Looking deeper into the perils of this, Hagerty Classic Insurance, insurers of many of those classic cars that most of us can't afford, researched and investigated statistics from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. From this study was born Hagerty's list of the "Ten Most Dangerous Foods to Eat While Driving." Rank the top five "winners" from least dangerous to most dangerous.
  1. Hamburgers. Grease is the word—grease all over your hands, steering wheel, clothes, and mouth! Handing a highway patrol officer your license and registration with your greasy fingers will go over really well. You better hand the officer a doughnut—#8 on the list—to smooth things over.
  2. Chili. Chili shouldn't be eaten while operating a moving vehicle. It should be reserved for picnics, cookouts, tailgating in chilly weather, and the often-frowned-upon but highly underrated wedding reception at the local bowling alley. Chasing a chili-covered meatball that's sliding across your dashboard while you're parallel parking is unparalleled preposterousness, people.
  3. Tacos. If tacos were explosives, there would be no one alive on the planet. We've all done it; one second, you're holding it, and then, the next second, you're standing in a taco salad garden. Not since the advent of the dynamite stick has something so small and unassuming created such devastation to the human psyche. Trying to control your leafy mayhem and watch the road at the same time can be too much for one person to handle.
  4. Hot soup. If your goal is to burn your lips and face, spill liquid fire onto your lap, and careen from side to side just before you sail off the overpass, then we've got the soup for you.
  5. Coffee. Probably a no-brainer to be #1 on this list, one would think that it would be a no-brainer to be more careful when handling this beverage. Besides its seemingly innate resistance to being contained, hot java lava—like its watery cousin, hot soup—has the pesky tendency to distract drivers and stain anything it comes in contact with. Oh, yeah, and it can scald you, too.